“We can’t judge. Only God can judge.”

Those words are often used to dismiss bad actions. They are often used to determine that something they feel is not worth discussing, mourning, or reflecting on. Those words are meant to silence and to end a conversation.

They are meant to silence. They tell victims and those who are mourning loss that they can’t judge. That they need to be silent.

Forcing and stating that silence in the face of tragedy in light of wrongdoing and the claims that “we can’t judge” is not innocuous. It’s not even Christlike for those who want to follow Christ.

Christ spoke the truth. He didn’t hide from the truth. That’s not to say he was unkind or mean. But he spoke truth. He believed in honesty. He believed that people who did wrong needed to atone for their bad behavior, and make it right and do better. He believed that justice and mercy required bad actors to acknowledge the wrongdoing.

When we hide behind lies or half-truths or silence, we are not speaking the truth. We are not being just or merciful. We are not being Christlike. Instead, we are causing more harm and pain. Rather than be being Christlike, we are causing pain.

“We can’t judge” is often the coward’s way out. What I mean is often that phrase is used to silence people enduring real pain and trims. It’s meant to rewrite and reimagine and create a story that is not only in actuate but is woefully false and harmful. We don’t want to discuss what happened. We don’t want to feel the pain and the evil that occurred and so we say “don’t judge instead.”

We can’t judge becomes “don’t speak ill of the dead” and “we’re all sinners.” But the problem is that often these claims rob both justice and mercy. We can believe that Christ can forgive even those who make the worst of actions. We can believe that people have the right to atone and to repent.

But what we cannot do is ignore reality, rewrite history, blame survivors, excuse or downplay what the person in the wrong did. We cannot pretend that the bad thing didn’t happen. We can’t excuse the behavior. And we should offer sympathy for the survivors. We should listen and understand the pain and sorrow.

The family of those who committed horrendous activities is going to mourn. That’s inevitable. The complicated feeling of loving and adoring somebody and also realizing and trying to reconcile what they did is difficult and painful. It can lead to a host of emotions.

But what can’t happen is rewriting history and lying. Justice and mercy require truth.

Survivors and those who have been wronged have the right to work through that pain and trauma. They have the right to talk about what happened. They have the right to mourn and to be believed and to acknowledge the bad that happened. They have the right to ask that they are shown mercy by being believed and healed. And they have the right to demand justice.

“Don’t judge” means we can’t judge what the final outcome will be or eternal fate. God will judge that. But “don’t judge” can never mean ignore reality, change reality, lie, or be used as a weapon to demand silence.

“Don’t judge” can’t mean we excuse bad behavior. It can’t mean we ignore the pain that innocent people experience. Rather, we have to mourn with those who mourn and those who have been harmed. We have to speak truth about what happened.

Don’t judge isn’t a sword to be used to harm or prevent people from mourning and it never has. And yet, it almost always is.We should be very cautious before we say don’t judge to survivors. Because that is not following Christ.

I work with survivors. I work with people whose voices are often dismissed, ignored, or received with vitriol.

I work with those who hear “we can’t judge” and “innocent until proven guilty” as knives to silence. Words to put them back on their shelves silent. Words to harm.

I work with those who hear “but he was a good guy” and “I don’t believe he could do that.” Or “she couldn’t have don’t that.”

I work with those who are at the receiving end of blows that keep coming long after the initial blow and by many other than the one who inflicted the first blow.

Mercy and justice mean we have to be there for those who are harmed and be truthful. We can mourn that people did back acts and weren’t who we thought they were. But saying “don’t judge” and lying about what happened is wrong. It shouldn’t be a weapon, saying “don’t judge” isn’t what Christ would do.