January to mid-March is always a busy time for me. Why? In part, because of the legislative session. Each year during those months, I spent a lot of time tracking, following, and advocating to try to make the state a better place for survivors. 

Every year, it’s exhausting and an uphill battle. And every year, there are hard losses and also exciting wins. This year was no different. So much good passed, and it was also the hardest year I have had at the hill yet. It was excruciatingly difficult at times this year, and it wore me down more than I realized. It took a month to really recover. 

I realized today (a month later) that since then, I have been fairly (relatively) checked out. Things I normally would have advocated around/about or sought to become more informed and educated about, I mostly ignored or barely engaged with. 

I share this because I’m often known as being one of the poster children for being involved and advocating. And I always say it’s okay to take a break. So this is me saying that’s exactly what I did; I took a break.

It was not intentional or planned. It just happened. I started a bookstagram account of all things for one thing and spent more time there than on policy or anything serious. I read frivolous, light-hearted books and spent the month relaxing and enjoying the national parks around me. I took some vacations with Jon, saw Taylor Swift, and I barely engaged with anything of substance. 

Given some of my roles with various policy organizations, I did not completely check out—I couldn’t, especially not where sexual assault was concerned. But for most of my weightier obligations, I met my obligations, but mostly I just didn’t have it in me to fight any other fight and face the same battles that I normally would with the same vigor.

I was engaged as much as I needed to be and no more. Important things have happened since mid-March, too, particularly with the same entrenched battleground issues, and I could only engage very superficially.  

I know some might tell me it would be better for my mental health to stay this disengaged and checked out, and in some ways, in the short term, they might be right. Not caring about what is going around me could be better. But it’s not the right thing for me to do.  

I’m speaking from a place of privilege. I know that. Not everybody has the time or the headspace to be as fully engaged or even engaged at all. Some are on the front lines fighting for survival, and there’s a time and a season for all things. Now, I think many more people should and could be more involved than they currently are and could be in more effective ways than they are, but that’s not today’s topic. For now, I’ll say, personally, I have the headspace and the responsibility to be involved and the duty. 

I can’t just hide in my own little corner of the world while others are fighting life-and-death battles. It would take a long time for many of the battles to really personally affect me, but I want to be there to support those on the front lines. It’s part of my ethos to be involved. It’s a responsibility I feel keenly. 

And I’m also glad I took a month off. I should take breaks more often. So this is me saying take the breaks you need, consider how you best can be involved, but don’t stay checked out. 

I’ll end with the words of one of my favorite thinkers: “Today I remember that I am not alone—that if millions of women [also people] are listening to the wisdom within them too, and still choose to return to the work, then we will usher in a new era.” 

We can’t fight every fight, and we all need breaks, but we should be fighting for a better world in our own unique way

Photo courtesy of Matthias Mullie via Unsplash license.